Thursday, August 31, 2006

Blast From The Past

When my folks moved from the country home I grew up in to the city, I thought we had gone through all our accumulated junk and gotten rid of all nonessential keepsakes, memorabilia, and the like. I had found old journals and letters which, as I read over them, made me run to the old oil barrel my folks used to burn trash!

What I thought was completely purged a couple of years ago wasn't. I recently found more journals and old letters! It was a hoot to go back and read some of the entries. My mom told me once our mind never ages (even as our bodies seem to be falling apart!). She was right. As I read these things, I was right back there in that moment remembering it as if it happened yesterday. Mom says she still thinks in a lot of ways like she did when she was in her 20s and now she's, well, older than that. The good part is that while you may remember the feelings/thoughts you had at that time, you now have a wonderful advantage of perspective and, hopefully, wisdom by which to evaluate things.

As I read some of the entries, I became frustrated with my younger self. "Don't you see how foolish this is," I wanted to yell at the me of 20 years ago. "Why can't you see the truth?' I asked at one time as I read of warnings parents had given about false friends and later read as those warnings proved to be true. I did have moments of satisfaction, however, as flashes of maturity were contained in the angst-ridden pages.

I still keep a journal, but not on a regular basis. These days it's used to help me sort things out as I'm going through a trial. I can't help but wonder if at 64 I'll once again read over entries and shake my head at the me of 20 years before.


Nakiru said...

i try not to think about things i've written in the past. and we're talking novel-length journals here. i don't think i'm getting any more mature, just keep delving into the same stupidities. anne of green gables once said that she never made the same mistake twice, and i always wished that was me too.
*sigh* not that i wish i was forty, but sometimes, i really do.
(so if any of that didn't make sense, keep in mind that i haven't been sleeping.)

Nakiru said...

what's wrong with my reading list? at least i'm honest. i'm not reading People magazine, I'm reading real stuff. a good portion of that is fluff reading. i mean, you wouldn't want to bring one john grisham novel to a desert island with you and have to spend your 6 years wilsoning it up with cardboard characters and a predictable plotline. :-D i can't help it that i'm old.

Nakiru said...

hehe. you never know what i may have sparked.